I got my driver’s license at age 17, but had very little
driving experience before joining the Army, and none during my three years of
military service. My buddy and I were
discharged on the same day in 1964, arriving together by ship in New York. He lived in California. We bought a used car for around $600-700, a
Chevy convertible as I recall, and headed for California. Along the way, he was determined to have me
do some of the driving (brave guy). I
remember stretches of highway with one lane each way and no structural
divider. I was scared to death that an
oncoming car would drift over and hit me head on. I had a death grip on the steering wheel and
watched with increasing dread as cars approached. Ironically, by watching the oncoming car
instead of the road, I was the one who had a tendency to drift toward the
center of the road. It took a number of
years of driving before I realized that the other drivers did not want to get
in an accident any more than I did.
When I first saw how “tricky” it was to operate a motor
vehicle, I wondered why in the world there weren’t more accidents. I figured I was young and sharp, had good
coordination, good vision, good reflexes, etc.
But what about all those others who were older or maybe not blessed with
my level of natural abilities? If I
didn’t see with my own eyes that the system was working, I would have been
convinced that the idea of letting virtually anyone over age 16 operate a motor
vehicle on a network of roads and highways was never going to work. There would be accidents and injuries all
over the place. Again, I didn’t occur to
me that all the other drivers were just as interested in safety as I was.
I also remember, at age 10 maybe, my confusion about
female anatomy. When I heard how girls
differ from boys in the genitals area, I actually pictured something horizontal
instead of vertical. I’m not going to
say much more about sexuality here, except that I do marvel at how something so
universal can be so intensely personal.
Even compared to bathroom issues, etc, we are a lot more private about
“bedroom” issues. We all do pretty much
the same things in the bathroom, and we think nothing of interrupting a
conversation with an explanation that “I have to go to the bathroom,” or even
“I need to pee.” We all do pretty much
the same things in the bedroom, too (I guess), but most of us would “die” of
embarrassment if we had to talk about it.
It is just intensely personal, even though universal. Strange.
There is a book for children entitled, “Everybody Poops,”
but nothing of the sort for our sexuality.
I’m not saying there should be. I
am as prudish in this area as anybody.
As a final comment, I would point out that the well-adjusted person
should probably be embarrassed if something comes to light about their
sexuality, but it is not something to be ashamed about…only embarrassed.
Everybody poops, etc!
I recently came across some of my report cards from
elementary school. A frequent comment
was that Tommy (that’s me) could be doing a lot better, if he would just apply
himself. In high school I was still
receiving similar feedback, and I remember thinking that they probably said
that about all the kids to try to get them to work harder and stay in
school. In fact, I remember the guidance
counselors saying that I was capable of going in the direction of college,
instead of the vocational path. They
used to call it “Regents” (college prep) versus “Vocational” (high school
diploma only). I didn’t have the common
sense to realize that I was smart enough to go to college. No one I knew had ever gone to college, and I
certainly didn’t think I was smarter than anybody else.
In all fairness, one of my issues was that I was always
the youngest in my grade, so had some maturity issues to go along with my
self-confidence and common sense issues.
My parents explained that we had moved and changed school districts such
that somehow I was too young to start kindergarten in the first district and
too old for kindergarten the following year in the new district. So I missed kindergarten entirely – another
factor I considered, rather than a lack of common sense. When I did poorly with coloring books and
later erector sets and woodshop tools, I considered that maybe my small motor
skills were underdeveloped because I missed kindergarten. Upon reflection, Dad and Popu both had large
workbenches and tools for woodworking, and knew how to use them. I was exposed to all that, but never took an
interest. Also, as a teenager, many of
my friends and acquaintances and their older brothers loved to work on
cars. They had all the tools and could
be found on any weekend face up under their cars or face down into the hoods of
their cars, with their buddies watching or helping or just socializing. Again, I was exposed to all that, but never
took an interest.
I remember that I went to PS (Public School) 123 in South
Ozone Park, and our address when we moved to North Massapequa was 132 North
Kings Avenue. I recall being confused
about that, thinking that 132 referred to a school, or that 123 was my address.
I also recall walking down the block toward my house at the end of the school
year shouting loudly and proudly that I had gotten “reported,” which was the
term for being sent to the principal’s office under negative circumstances. What I meant was that I had gotten
“promoted.” I think that was in South
Ozone Park, going from 1st grade to 2nd grade. I do recall that Mom had to fight and argue
to keep me in 2nd grade in North Massapequa. The teacher was recommending that I repeat 1st
grade, mainly due to my age and immaturity.
I guess Mom felt I could do 2nd grade-level work and would
not learn much by repeating 1st grade. There are also disadvantages to being one of
the oldest in the class, which would have been the case had I repeated 1st
grade, especially if the work was too easy for me. I could have become a behavior problem out of
boredom or lack of regard for my younger classmates. At any rate, I stayed in 2nd
grade, was never left back, and graduated as one of the youngest, if not the youngest kid graduating from that
high school.
If I may digress, it is well known that Albert Einstein
was a very slow starter in grade school.
His teachers said that he was a dreamer, who would stare out the window,
not listen and not learn much of anything.
Later in life he actually wrote about his theory that there are numerous
phenomena that most people learn about when they are too young to really
appreciate and marvel at. When he first
became aware of things like gravity and the affect of the moon’s phases on the
ocean tides, he was maybe twelve or early teens, and was absolutely astonished
and excited. This had a major impact on
the scientist and thinker he was to become.
It may be what led him to say that there are two ways to live your life:
as if everything is a miracle or as if nothing is a miracle. Most of us are exposed to “miracles” so early
in life that all we can say when we are older is, “Yeah, isn’t that amazing,
but I always knew that. There is nothing
I can do with that information now.”
Listening to the words of an old song recently made me
think that I would change Einstein’s word from ‘miracle’ to ‘wonder’. In the song, “I Believe,” the singer says,
“Every time I see a new born baby cry, or touch a leaf, or see the sky, then I
know why I believe.” He doesn’t say
exactly what he believes, but I can’t
help thinking what he is really experiencing is wonder. I mean, a caterpillar goes into a cocoon and
turns into a butterfly! Are you kidding
me? Fruit trees grow up from the ground and out pops fruit that we can
eat! A seed contains life. You put it in the ground, water and nurture
it, and it becomes a plant! But how does
the life get into the seed? Our baby teeth fall out and adult teeth grow
in their place! (By the way, why can’t
we figure out how that works and help people like me, who have lost most of
their teeth, grow new ones? Same for
people who have lost most of the hair and are not happy about it). Of the 7+ billion people on earth, no two
people’s finger prints are exactly alike.
Are you kidding me? How can that
be? What about this: The phases of the moon go through a 28-day cycle, and
women go through a 28-day menstrual cycle - coincidence? How could
they possibly be related?
Quick aside: Einstein died in April 1955, when I would
have been in 6th grade. I
remember our teacher being so excited about a handwritten letter our class had
received from him in response to a letter that we had collectively written and
sent to him. She felt it might well have
been one of the last letters he had ever written. I don’t know the exact date of his letter,
nor the contents, for that matter. In
fact, in my usual haze, I vaguely knew and didn’t care at the time who Einstein
was; and if I had taken part in writing the letter to him, I didn’t remember
doing it. I wonder if the teacher
eventually donated his letter to the Smithsonian or something.
For some reason, I have a keen sense of the awe and
wonder what, for example, a king from the middle ages would experience upon
seeing how much easier our lives are today than his was, even as a king in
those days. Simple things like electric
lighting versus all those candles we see in movies. Imagine how warm it was in those rooms. The windows on the first floors had to be
very deep, because the walls had to be very thick in order to support a
structure several stories high. Every
time I walk into a room and casually flip on a light, I picture some king of
old in complete shock. What about motion
detection lighting? A well-to-do man can
stroll onto his tennis court at night, and the lights come on automatically so
he can play. What would a middle ages
king think of that? These are just the simple
things of today, not even touching on electronics and wireless technologies. What about trying to bite into a big piece of
meat, like we see in those banquet hall scenes in movies, with bad teeth? There were no dentists in those days, and
certainly no Novocain.
I was sharing some of these thoughts with a person who
was dying of brain cancer. He said he
had had time to study a number of different spiritual belief systems over the
course of the months he was in treatment or just resting and waiting for the
end. This included wondering what
happens to the soul when it leaves the body, the possibility of reincarnation,
etc. When I shared about my “attitude of
gratitude” and sense of incredible privilege for the life of ease and comfort
we have in modern times, compared to even the kings of old, he made a comment
that stuck with me. He said, “You may
have an old soul.” Although I am not
convinced one way or the other about these spiritual matters, I have always
remembered him saying that. He died a
few months later, by the way. This was
around 2010 or so, when I would have been around 66 years old. He was maybe ten years younger than me.
My old soul also has me reflect upon the development of
our self-image and self-awareness as humans.
I try to imagine what it was like for humans before the development of
mirrors, and then of cameras, and then audio and video. Of course early humans found that they could
get some concept of their own facial images by leaning over the bank of a pond
on a sunny day, but that was when they were old enough to do so. They had no way to get a picture of what they
looked like as small children. How does
your self-image or self-worth develop if you have no real picture in your mind
of what you look like? How did it (or
how does it) impact me that I have been able to see baby pictures of myself being
held, or standing next to a toy I had long forgotten? How did it affect my kids to be able to see
homemade movies of themselves running and playing as children? They can “watch” their own development over
the years and understand themselves better, or at least have a good idea of how
others see them and how they compare with the people around them. That’s got to have some implications for
self-image, I would think.
Not many years ago parents were buying camcorders, taking
motion pictures of their kids, and plugging them into the television, where the
kids could see themselves as if they were on TV. Even then I was marveling at what the impact
might be if people have such self-awareness at such an early age; having a
really good idea of who they are. As
incredible as the camcorders were, in just the last ten years or so, with the
advent of U-Tube, Facebook, Skype, Face Time, “selfies” and the like, there is
no end to what we know about ourselves as others see us. Compare the person of today to the youngster
seeing her reflection for the first time at the water’s edge. As I said, for some reason, I just wonder
about these things.
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